He that is wounded in the stones, or hath his privy member cut off, shall not enter into the congregation of the Lord. (Deuteronomy 23:1 KJV)

Lots of rules in these chapters. In the previous book, we learned that lame people are not allowed in the temple. Now we learn another particular handicap that will keep you out.

I feel like I’m reading one of those joke books that list crazy laws like “in Samoa, it is illegal to forget your wife’s birthday.” Except that this is the Lord, and if you make Him angry, He’ll open the ground and have it swallow your extended family.

I’m just going to call out some of the sillier ones:

If you can’t solve a murder, you must sacrifice a cow. (21:1-9)

If you take a beautiful woman prisoner, you can shave her head, let her mourn for a month, and then marry her. (21:10-13)

If you have a disobedient son, have the townsfolk stone him. (21:21)

Poly/cotton blends are an abomination. (22:11)

Maybe He’s right on that last one.

There are some serious laws:

If a foreign slave seeks refuge, you should not send him back. His silence on escaped slaves of Israelites tells all.

If a married woman is raped in the town and no one hears, she and the rapist are stoned, since she must have really wanted it.

If an unmarried woman is raped, the rapist has the option of paying her father 50 shekels and marrying her.

If a husband accuses his wife of not being a virgin when they married, and she cannot prove she was, she is stoned. If she can prove it, he is whipped and fined.

Needless to say, I don’t think that any of these laws are reasonable, either the funny ones or the sad ones. Reading these chapters make me want to go to Tennessee and tear down the Ten Commandments plaque at the courthouse.

Next: Deuteronomy 24-27