When men strive together one with another, and the wife of the one draweth near for to deliver her husband out of the hand of him that smiteth him, and putteth forth her hand, and taketh him by the secrets: Then thou shalt cut off her hand, thine eye shall not pity her. (Deuteronomy 25:11-12 KJV)

After reading this, my wife and I changed our Fight Club strategy.

If two brothers are living together and one dies without a son, his widow must marry her brother-in-law, and their first son will take the dead brother’s name. If the live brother refuses to marry her,

his brother’s widow shall go up to him in the presence of the elders, take off one of his sandals, spit in his face and say, “This is what is done to the man who will not build up his brother’s family line.” That man’s line shall be known in Israel as The Family of the Unsandaled. (Deuteronomy 25:9-10 NIV)

Beyond how silly this is, it means that while I’m required to marry my sister-in-law, I’m cursed if I marry my step-mother (Deuteronomy 27:20). What’s the difference?

There are some reasonable laws, like being honest, not hindering the blind, and helping the poor. However, there are two quite hypocritical laws.

First, anyone enslaving Israelites are put to death. Other slaves are fine.

Second, you should not kill a child for his father’s crime. However, just yesterday, I read, “A bastard shall not enter into the congregation of the Lord; even to his tenth generation shall he not enter into the congregation of the Lord.” (Deuteronomy 23:2 KJV)

So if a father’s crime is adultery, the child and the next ten generations after him are punished. But at least he’s not killed.

And then there’s that apple from Genesis. I’m still being punished for my great-great-great-…-great-grandmother’s appetite for knowledge.

One more thing: don’t forget to wipe of Amalek! (Deuteronomy 25:17-19)

Next: Deuteronomy 28-29.