First, I’d like to point out how The Book can’t be consistent between two consecutive chapters. It’s Saul’s death, yet they can’t keep the details straight.

Then said Saul unto his armourbearer, Draw thy sword, and thrust me through therewith; lest these uncircumcised come and thrust me through, and abuse me. But his armourbearer would not; for he was sore afraid. Therefore Saul took a sword, and fell upon it. (1 Samuel 31:4 KJV) So I stood upon [Saul], and slew him, because I was sure that he could not live after that he was fallen: and I took the crown that was upon his head, and the bracelet that was on his arm, and have brought them hither unto my lord. (2 Samuel 1:10 KJV)

So, did Saul kill himself, or did some unnamed Amalekite? The second version is juicier because later, David kills the soldier for obeying Saul’s request.

Next chapter, we get a list of David’s six most recent children, borne to him by as many wives. Is he content?

And David sent messengers to Ish-bosheth Saul’s son, saying, Deliver me my wife Michal, which I espoused to me for an hundred foreskins of the Philistines. (2 Samuel 3:14 KJV)

Can’t forget about those hundred foreskins. Must have seventh wife.

The chapter ends with a long story about one of David’s henchmen, Joab, murdering one of David’s old enemies, Abner. It spends a lot of time having David protest too much.

Later, when David heard about this, he said, “I and my kingdom are forever innocent before the Lord concerning the blood of Abner son of Ner. May his blood fall on the head of Joab and on his whole family! May Joab’s family never be without someone who has a running sore or leprosy or who leans on a crutch or who falls by the sword or who lacks food.” (2 Samuel 3:28, 29 NIV)

And besides the protests, we can’t forget visiting the sins of the fathers on the children.

Next: 2 Samuel 4-7