Adultery! Slaves! Adultery with slaves! Male genital mutilation! Male genital mutilation on slaves! Bargaining with God! These three chapters have so much going, I don’t know where to start.

Sarah has no children, so sends Hagar, her slave, to sleep with Abraham. When Hagar gets pregnant, Sarah hates her (no surprise), and beats her. When Sarah Hagar runs away, God sends her back, and tells her to take her lickings.

Later, God shows up and tells Abraham that all males of the house, by birth or by purchase (read: slave), shall be circumcised. Ouch! It turns out that we still do have an ancient barbaric sacrificial custom remaining. We no longer make burnt offerings, but still mortify the flesh.

Now we’re getting close to another genocide, but Abraham is doing some heavy bargaining, and in the end, all we need are ten godly men, and The Good Lord with spare Sodom. Will he find those ten men? Tune in tomorrow.

Tomorrow: Genesis 19-21

Today’s reading started off with a bang. Abram goes to Egypt, and pretends his wife is his sister. The Pharaoh, in his ignorance, takes her as a concubine, and God punishes him for taking another man’s wife. This is as bad as Thebes being punished for Oedipus and Jocasta’s ignorance.

The other major events are the various children of God being granted great tracts of land, that people will then be able to fight about 4000 years later. Speaking of which, when are the Canarsees going to ask for my land back?

There are some other wars happening, but they are quick, and there is also some telegraphing of Sodom and Gomorrah.

One item that I haven’t mentioned, that I’ve noticed, is that there’s a lot of sacrificing to God going on. Abram splits a half-dozen animals in Gen 15, and we’ve had some other fat being burnt, and temples being built. Where is that all today? Why did it stop?

Tomorrow: Genesis 16-18

After the flood, the waters eventually recede, and God promises Noah that he’ll never drown the Earth again in a fit of pique. But two chapters later, he worries that humanity will get too big for their britches, so confounds their language.

I learned in summer camp that the people were too prideful in building the Tower, and that’s why God punished them. But in fact, He is actually worried that they will be able to do anything, and we can’t have that! Just as Adam and Eve were not supposed to eat of the Tree of Knowledge, the people of Babel shouldn’t try to be too successful. Why does anyone want to worship a jerk like this, except out of fear?

One other event stands out, and that’s Ham accidentally seeing his father’s nakedness. First of all, who cares? It was just an accident. What’s crazy is that his son Canaan is punished for this, and made into a slave. This is justice? This is ridiculous.

Tomorrow: Genesis 12-15

Cain overreacts to God’s preference of Abel’s offering, so is cursed and marked. Note however that Cain’s descendants are drowned in The Flood, so all those folks who talk about the mark of Cain being black skin are just making it up.

We briefly meet Lemech, the first bigamist. So how exactly is “one man and one woman” as God intended? We also meet the Nephilim, who are not quite men, but not quite gods. But they have sex with the women. No real explanation, and I never hear about them on talk radio.

The major event here is God the sociopath. Because people are sinning, he’s going to drown the entire world. All but Noah and family. Now that’s a tantrum.

This is the first time that I’ve heard that there are seven pairs of each clean animal (and birds). I understand the distinction, but why doesn’t any preacher ever seem to discuss this?

What really gets my goat is how this omniscient being regrets creating the world, because the people to whom he gave free will are not behaving the way he’d like. didn’t he know this was going to happen?

Tomorrow: Gen 8-11.

“And there was evening, and there was morning–the first day.” Now I see why the day goes from sunset to sunset.

In Gen 1, we have a progression that loosely matches reality. Though we have day and night before we have the Earth, and winged creatures before land animals. This is an allegory, not a science text.

But it’s really about putting all the other gods in their places. All the pantheist gods represent various objects – the sun, the moon, the waters – and here is the One God creating them all.

“Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it. Rule over the fish in the sea and the birds in the sky and over every living creature that moves on the ground.”

If only He had said, “Take care of the Earth I have given you,” we’d have a lot less trouble.

Gen 2 starts with an announcement that it will describe details of Gen 1. But the order is different. In chapter one, there are trees and plants on day three, and humans on day six. But in the second chapter, man first, then plants and animals, and then woman (but only because no animal is a good enough helper).

“But you must not eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, for when you eat from it you will certainly die.”

Is this the first time God lies to man? They ate, and didn’t die. The snake was right.

Maybe it means that Adam and Eve would have lived forever if they hadn’t eaten the apple. In Perelandra, there was no one but Adam and Eve, forever. It was a beautiful, but sterile world, where nothing changed, and nothing was learned.

I choose death, if it means that I can have knowledge.

Tomorrow, Genesis 4-7.

My parents raised me as a skeptic and an atheist. I’m a member of humanist, sceptic, and atheist organizations. I know there is no God. But except for bits of Genesis, Leviticus, and Revelation, I have never read the Bible.

So I have decided that I will read the Bible, Old and New Testaments, in one year. I could read them faster, I’m certain, but I want to read them slowly to dwell and think.

This blog will be my diary, and I hope my conversation.

My plan is to follow the Blue Letter Bible Canonical plan. Tomorrow, I read Genesis 1-3, and by the end of the week, will have made it through Genesis 24.

Come read along.